humor
Annoying office phrases and what they actually mean
Everyone uses office phrases. However, with some people you ask yourself: Do you actually still think of yourself as full? A (not) serious list.
Dear readers,
Some of the formulations you hear in the office hallway highlight the pain points. Loud and painful. Let’s start with the unspeakable office bullshit bingo that has spread in many companies – and editorial offices.
No fear. What follows is not a long lecture. We don’t expect that from you in a time when most people have the attention span of a goldfish. All that is provided is an infinitely expandable list of vocabulary that some employees would probably wish they had never had to learn.
We break down the basics of office bullshit
- “Thanks for the input” – Thanks for nothing.
- “A little reminder at this point…” – Please pay attention to that, that’s really not too much to ask.
- “As stated in my last email…” – Can’t read, you dumbass?
- “I’ll put that on the list” – I’ll take care of it in 2036.
- “It’s our turn” – We’re not and never will be.
- “We’ll talk about that again bilaterally” – just leave me alone with that.
- “Keep me in the loop” – Please clarify this yourself and tell me later what comes of it.
- “Does anyone have Kapas?” – Does NO ONE actually work here but me?
- “Please prioritize this” – How long will this take?
- “When you’re sick, you’re sick” – When you have a cold there are tissues and they are also available in the home office!
- “Go with the flow” – Now just do it.
- “We should think about it again” – Seriously? Do it again.
- “Can you give me a break?” – What the hell is going on here?
- “We have to optimize the workflow” – Nothing works here.
- “I think it’s great that you brought this up!” – Now he’s coming up with it too
- “Could you share your thoughts with us?” – Can’t you chatterboxes just shut up for two minutes while I talk!
- And lastly, often used over the holidays: “Out of office” – I’m on vacation and woe betide anyone here calling me.
If you want to learn anything from this text, it is that the majority of these words should perhaps simply be ignored. And if your humor needs are not yet met, or if you can think of further formulations, please write to us. Then we go into a deep dive.
Source: Stern
