In many couples a dynamic is repeated that can go unnoticed until it generates discomfort. One of the two begins to act more as a father or mother than as a partner. This dynamic is known in psychology as parentificationand although it usually occurs in childhood, too can move to love ties In adulthood.
The problem appears when The relationship ceases to be balanced and transforms into a space where One takes care, organizes and solveswhile the other occupies a passive or dependent place. This not only wears out, but also prevents a real intimacy as a couple based on mutual support.
What is “parentification”
In a relationship, the natural thing is that both accompany them and support each other. However, when the parentificationthat balance is broken. The person who should function as a partner begins to depend exaggeratedly on the other, as if he could not face the responsibilities that correspond to him in adult life.
This is not limited to daily gestures such as cooking or helping in a specific task, but implies loading with the weight of the Emotions, decisions and problems of the couple. Who assumes that role becomes the one who organizes, advises, resolves conflicts, controls expenses or even marks the routines, while the other is in a more passive or dependent position.
The result is an unbalanced link: one occupies the place of “Responsible Adult “ and the other of “Someone in charge.” This role of roles generates tension because the relationship stops feeling as a team and is closer to the logic of father-son than to that of two adults who share a life project.
How to know if you are raising your partner, according to psychology
Raising the couple is not the same as accompanying or be present. The difference is in the feeling of having to take care of aspects that correspond to an adult. If you feel you have to be on top of your partner to solve basic problems or that you have to explain how to handle situations of everyday life, It is a clear sign.
Another way to detect it is when communication is more like that of a father or mother with a child. Phrases like “I already told you to do this” or “if I don’t do it, nobody does it” They show that the link ceased to be horizontal. This may include from everyday gestures to the way of solving discussions.
It is also common to note that Your own needs go to the background. If you feel that you are always solving, containing or anticipating what your partner needs, and that you do not receive the same in return, you are probably caught in A ration role Within your relationship.
angry couple
The consequences of this dynamic
One of the most obvious consequences is the Emotional exhaustion. Who occupies the role of caregiver begins to feel that everything depends on him or her, which generates anxiety, frustration and wear that eventually impacts mental health.
The relationship also suffers. Instead of a mutual support space, the couple becomes an unequal bond, in which one holds and the other is sustained. This hinders real intimacy and can generate resentment or emotional distance.
In addition, keep this dynamic for a long time reinforces harmful patterns: Low self -esteem, difficulty putting limits and the tendency to repeat similar relationships in the future. In many cases, who carries the parental role ends up losing his own personal desires and projects.
Do you have a solution?
Although it is a complex dynamic, It is possible to reverse it. The first step is to recognize what is happening and put it in words within the relationship. Admit that one feels in the role From father or mother already opens the door to change the way of linking.
The individual or couple therapy It can be a great resource. It helps identify the patterns that led to this situation and to build new forms of communication and distribution of responsibilities. Also Allows the most dependent person to begin to assume their role Adult and take care of herself.
Finally, Establish clear limits It is fundamental. It’s about learning to say “This does not correspond to me” and to redistribute emotional and practical charges. Although it is not an immediate change, working together and consciously can return to the couple the balance and the connection that the parenting dynamics had overshadowed.
Source: Ambito
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
