A phenomenon that one or the other may have noticed in amazement: On closer inspection, one notices with horror that the partner reminds one of a parent. According to one therapist, there is an explanation for this.
It’s almost a bit creepy when you realize: Oh God, my husband – or my wife – has exactly the same characteristics as one of my parents. And yet not a few people are like that. Several studies have proven that many people continue to look for partners who resemble their parents in adulthood due to early childhood imprinting. That can definitely be positive if you grew up in a healthy family environment, but the negative aspect is also interesting.
Tests on animals for binding also confirmed in humans
Therapist Christian Hemschemeier explained this phenomenon of early childhood bonding to the editorial network Germany (RND) using research by zoologist Konrad Lorenz on greylag geese. Back then, they tested how the chicks bonded with the person they saw first after they were born. In this case it was Konrad Lorenz. The result of the investigation was exciting, because the geese, which Lorenz was the first creature to see, were hardly interested in conspecifics and throughout their lives reacted particularly to older men with white beards, like Lorenz wore. Much later in research, a similar phenomenon could also be identified in humans. Since one usually spends a lot of time with one’s parents in childhood and has a close bond, one continues to look for similar, habitual patterns of behavior in adult life.
If you only had positive experiences with your parents or how they dealt with each other in your childhood, you often reflect this in your own relationship. But it gets complicated with negative experiences. An example: if the father repeatedly ignored the child, gave him little attention and recognition, this can swing in two different directions with adults in their own relationship patterns: Either you look for a partner who pays you an excessive amount of attention and tries to compensate for the childhood deficit with the interest that may also be demanded. Or you find a partner who behaves exactly like your father once did – ignores you and from whom you have to beg for attention. You usually don’t realize that this is unhealthy for you. The simple reason: You are used to this behavior from an early age and therefore often do not immediately perceive it as unacceptable.
By the way, friends are an important regulator for recognizing such patterns. “In order to learn healthy behavior, people need different perspectives in their lives,” says the psychologist Hung Yuan Lo, who has also been able to conduct studies on this topic, the “Business Insider”.
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Source: Stern
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