Tinder log: “Ghosted on the worst day of my life”

Tinder log

Tinder turns ten this year. Of the star spoke to people about their experiences with online dating. This is the story of Lena, 33, who sees the dating platform as a “symptom of our messed-up generation”, but still keeps coming back to Tinder.

I’ve been on Tinder intermittently since 2014. I’d say I’m the classic Tinder user who gets super frustrated with Tinder, keeps deleting the app, then taking a break for months, only to come back. And basically I don’t think the principle of dating apps is bad at all. Especially at the time of the corona pandemic – where should you have gotten to know someone? I also still firmly believe that you can find someone online who is great and who suits you.

But I’m getting the idea that the longer you’re on dating apps, the harder it gets. As time goes on, you have more and more expectations of your counterpart. And of course, everyone has their baggage to carry, but as time goes on, dating becomes less and less free and easy. I also blame Tinder for that. I know many who found their true love through the app and even got married. But everything was so new then. Today there is almost an oversupply when it comes to dating apps.

Tinder, “a symptom of our messed up generation”

I think that Tinder, Bumble and Co. are also a bit a symptom of our messed-up generation. Tinder is also used by many to boost their own ego. If you’re not feeling well, you open the app and get some flattery. I don’t exclude myself, but I also see that my self-confidence has suffered enormously from Tinder.

You are always confronted with rejection and if you are already a sensitive person who is really looking for something serious like great love, then you run the real risk of being disappointed very often. In addition, Tinder is a purely visual platform and is still very much designed for anonymity. Other dating apps are already trying to capture the character of the person. Tinder is purely for showcasing how awesome someone looks. Because that’s what I’m judged by. But I suspect women are more used to success than men and if they have a lot of success on Tinder, then they are also assholes. I’m well aware that you can’t pigeonhole everyone, at least that’s my thesis.

I’d say 80 percent of my dates went pretty well. But ghosting is the order of the day due to the anonymity. If the date with XY doesn’t work, why should I bother and then make a second date out of it and maybe get to know the person better? That obviously doesn’t fit. The next one will come around the corner anyway – I’ve actually heard that as feedback and I would say that this behavior also broke me a little. I’m basically afraid of rejection. I no longer dare to do many things. I either answer too often or I don’t answer some guys at all because I think he’s ghosting me anyway. Because then I’d rather protect myself.

The call pulls the rug out from under her feet

The worst thing that happened to me in this respect was in November 2020. Germany was in the middle of the lockdown and I made an appointment with a man to go for a Sunday walk with mulled wine. We’ve been writing for a while and it sounded promising. The afternoon was so boisterous that I invited him to order a little something from the delivery service and not end the date just yet. Just as we were about to eat, my father called and I instinctively had a bad feeling. I’d been on the phone with him during the day, so what could he possibly want from me? I excused myself and went to the phone: my father told me that my grandfather had died as a result of the corona virus. It just ripped the ground out from under my feet.

To this day all my grandparents were still alive and this was my first big loss. My grandfather and I had a very close bond. I immediately burst into tears despite the presence of a stranger, but those weren’t feelings I could control. I asked my date to give me a hug. I just didn’t know what to do with myself. But I needed the rest of the evening to myself. After a few phone calls to my family, I wrote to him, also apologizing for my emotional outburst – no reply. And two days later, when I wrote to him again, he just kept ignoring me. I think he could have wished me his heartfelt condolences, at least for the sake of decency. Even if it didn’t suit him.

Recorded by: Yasemin Kulen