Tinder protocol: It started as an experiment – and ended with a wedding

Tinder log

Tinder turns ten this year. Of the star spoke to people about their experiences with online dating. This is the story of Jasmin, 31. Tinder started as a fun experiment for her – and ended in a wedding:

My fiancé at the time and I lived in different countries – he in Australia, I in Germany – and at one point I suggested an open relationship to him. I wasn’t really thinking about dating apps. We had been together a long time at the time and didn’t even know about all this online dating that had become normal now because of all the apps. And that’s exactly why I was tempted to look around on Tinder – more to pass the time and out of childish curiosity. After all, I already knew the app from friends and wanted to try it out. And since I already had a partner, I was looking for completely different criteria: For me, Tinder was more like a photo book that I could flip through and choose by attractiveness. It didn’t even have to be human.

Tinder was like a photo book

I know a lot of people can’t do that, but for me that fact made dating exciting. I was very honest in my communication and played with open cards right from the start. In fact, I wasn’t very interested in getting to know a person on this level of relationship – I didn’t want anyone else but my fiancé and anything else would have been too exhausting for me. That’s why I initially decided to only meet my dates once so that I don’t end up in emotional chaos in the first place. At some point, however, it turned out that I met about four to five people on a rotating basis – we spent nice evenings with nice conversations and just had a good time.

Except for one man – a connection developed directly while writing, so that we wrote every day. At first just one message a day and eventually more and more. As expected, our first meeting was super nice, although we were both very hung over. But we laughed a lot and spent not only the afternoon but also the evening together. The only purpose of our meeting: sex. But I realized at this meeting that I also think he’s great as a person. And so I gradually gave it more and more priority and let my rotation system slip. One evening he even took me to his friends’ house. It was very intimate and emotional.

First came the shock, then the realization

Then he told me that he thinks our affair is better than he should. Of course, I was pissed off at first because I didn’t want exactly this chaos of emotions. But I stayed with him and we spent a very intense time the next day, opening up to each other, admitting all the hurts of the past. In retrospect, I think I missed such conversations in my relationship. To open up to others unconditionally and to show oneself vulnerable at times. After that evening we were of course quite shocked and fled to the other affairs. Like me, he had several people on hand that he met at regular intervals.

But at the same time I went into reflection and had to deal with the questions: What does this mean for my relationship now? And that’s when I realized quite quickly that there were actually a lot of things that bothered me about my partner at the time. He noticed that very quickly too. Actually, I always wanted to keep in touch so that we didn’t lose touch with each other – he always wanted to interpret that as a weakness – and suddenly I didn’t care. I didn’t get in touch very often anymore. That’s when I decided I had to tell him straight. I fell in love with another person. We first spoke on the phone and then met in person on neutral ground in Italy.

marriage and a child together

However, my current husband and I said goodbye in tears, as if we were going to separate. First of all, I didn’t have the mental capacity for him, after all I had to take care of my relationship, which just ended abruptly. My ex is still hurt to this day and wished I had never had contact with the man I fell in love with during our relationship. Looking back, this emotional chaos seems so long, but it was actually just two months. A week after I officially split I contact my now husband and he was absolutely delighted. He also thought a lot about me, as he told me later.

Today, three years later, we are married and have a baby together. The application also came unexpectedly, because I had to apply to my ex-fiancé and since then I have always said to myself: never again. In hindsight, I also have to admit that I was incredibly lucky when I listen to what my girlfriends are experiencing on dating apps. But I didn’t expect anything from Tinder and got everything.

Recorded by: Yasemin Kulen