Luke Mockridge: Why the statement on the allegations is a wasted opportunity

opinion

The video that Luke Mockridge posted on Instagram over the weekend is a good eight minutes long. It’s eight minutes about what has long been the topic of social media: An ex-girlfriend accuses the comedian and entertainer of attempted rape. Mockridge had been silent for months, now finally the statement. But it has become eight minutes that should leave most women with only one thing: an uncomfortable feeling.

This feeling is not new, it has been talked about at least since the #MeToo debate. One of the most important messages at that time was: Look here, we are many. We have all experienced sexual harassment or sexual violence. Everyone knows at least one woman who is affected. Your mother, your sister, your girlfriend, your neighbor. And with it in all likelihood at least one perpetrator. Unfortunately, Mockridge missed the chance of an important debate here. Instead of dealing personally with the facets of sexual violence, he reflexively gets into a defensive position in the video – and denies so many of those affected their feelings.

Luke Mockridge sees himself as a victim – and does not want to be part of the problem

“What I am accused of did not happen,” he asserts. His portrayal of the allegations is bursting with indirect accusations. There was a night when he wanted sex and she didn’t and when it didn’t come to sex either. “In retrospect, after all these months,” he says, “it should have felt like attempted rape to her.” That was unbelievable for him. Mockridge portrays the incident as a campaign of revenge by his ex, who “couldn’t let go” and then decided to report it “out of nowhere”. “We took pictures with Mickey Mouse ears in love. And yet this complaint came about,” he says, addressing a classic accusation: If it was all so bad, why don’t you go to the police right away?

First of all, how sad is it that Luke Mockridge does not show any dismay that someone who was once close to him apparently has traumatic memories of a night together? If he had only dealt with the subject briefly, he would also know that victims of sexual violence often remain silent for a long time and suppress what they have experienced, sometimes even for years. But there is no reflection on this, instead the tenor of his clip is: I am the victim here, I receive hate reports, I need a break. It follows the pattern of perpetrator-victim reversal, which many women should be familiar with.

How great would he have shown if he had simply admitted to his ex-girlfriend that she felt differently about the situation? That there are two sides to a story. That attempted rape doesn’t just come from the angry stranger lurking in the bushes. But that it can also take place with persons of trust and that is very often the case. Sometimes even unconsciously, because there are gray areas. However, they exist mainly because nobody looks properly, if those affected dare to speak up at all. Because then most of them fall into Luke mode: Nobody wants it to have been.

“They try to make a person out of me who I am not,” says Mockridge and at the same time speaks very vaguely about “real people” who, thanks to this story, would have complained of their suffering online and experienced a lot of solidarity – including from him. That is his value system. It is a small acknowledgment of the fact that women in particular experience sexualized violence every day – but which women these “real people” are apparently decided solely by Mockridge and his “value system”.

What remains is the familiar message: Bad, about women – but I’m not part of the problem. And a bad feeling.