Experiences in relationships also shape us in future relationships. But the longer you hang out with a person, the more significant this effect becomes.
How we behave in a partnership always results from a mixture of upbringing and conditioning as well as a good portion of our own experience from the past. Of course, the character of a person also plays a significant role. But the experiences are changeable and therefore the resulting behavior can change significantly even in adulthood.
So if you were left alone a lot as a child, this can also lead to fear of loss in a partnership. Or if someone has already been cheated or lied to by their partner, they will probably be more skeptical in a new relationship than someone who has not yet had such negative experiences.
The psychologist Christian Hemschemeier spoke to the news portal “RND” about the effects of such an imprint. The psychologist often works with couples in crisis situations and helps them to identify problems. Because he can look back on a lot of experience through his work, he theorizes that couples after ten years of relationship have influenced each other like parents influence their children.
Imprinting in the relationship can range from everyday life to trauma
Psychologically, it is not just about the depth and scope of the experiences that shaped you, but also about how long you had a stable relationship with someone. Even if you don’t just look at the negative aftermath of a partnership, it can also be everyday habits or behavior that you have adopted from the other person over a longer period of time.
But if it’s an old vice, such as a panic that someone doesn’t respond to news regularly and you suspect cheating because you’ve already experienced it, nothing helps but fighting yourself. You should reflect on why you act this way and why this situation triggers you above average. Hemschemeier advises: “The most important thing is to recognize that you are projecting problems from an old relationship onto the new partner and to make a conscious decision to fight them. You can do this in many ways, whether by writing a journal or through meditation.”
But the most important tip is always: Take a deep breath first and don’t react immediately. Many problems look completely different even unspoken after 24 hours.
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Source: Stern
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