Being in a relationship with an emotionally distant partner is often fraught with conflict because the other person constantly feels neglected and inferior. But why are some people difficult to reach emotionally and how do you make it easier to work together?
It feels like sticking a root in a rabbit’s face when you have an emotionally distant partner. The lack of closeness and intimacy, or the reticence when it comes to the thoughts and problems of the other person, rob the partner who is looking for closeness of a lot of strength. Conflicts often arise in partnerships where the issue of closeness is very different.
There are times in life when everyone can feel emotionally distant due to too much stress. But some people exhibit this behavior in general. The consequence is often that you rack your brains about what’s going on, whether you’re still loved or whether you’ve done something wrong. However, if the emotional distance is not due to a stressful phase of life, but is anchored in the character, it is often based on the following characteristics:
- You suffer from low self-esteem
- Ambiguous behavior
- Poor listening skills
- The relationship is very challenging in many ways
- Not being able to open up emotionally
- Problems with physical and/or sexual closeness
Why is one partner in the relationship emotionally distant?
The reasons for the felt emotional and sometimes even physically noticeable distance from the partner can be manifold. For some people, childhood attachment trauma is responsible for developing intimacy issues into adulthood. But also experience, such as a previous toxic relationship with unhealthy relationship patterns can develop into a bonding disorder in the further relationship life.
The magazine “Psychology Today” has summarized the most common reasons for dwindling emotional distance as follows:
- Me-Time: Sometimes you just need time for yourself, which has nothing to do with your partner. Such behavior in a relationship is often confused with emotional isolation.
- Love may wane and no longer be sufficient to allow the same closeness as before.
- However, unhealthy power games can also be a basis for emotional distance. One partner withdraws more or less consciously, leaving the other struggling and courting for their attention – this in turn feeds the aloof partner’s ego. This structure is especially found in people with narcissistic personality traits.
- Disturbed attachment approaches that are anchored deeper in the psyche
Of course, a perceived emotional distance can also simply be based on different needs for closeness that are not triggered by trauma or stress. In a relationship, there should always be room to address problems and desires for change. In a calm conversation with first-person formulations like: “I feel that you have been allowing less closeness lately. Is that so or am I wrong and if so, why?” you give the other person the chance to explain themselves. In a conversation you can also find out whether it is a currently stressful phase of life that the other person generally does not feel the need for more closeness to or whether a deep background is responsible for it.
Finding out the reasons together is also important in deciding for yourself whether this state of emotional distance appears to be temporary or whether you need to make the decision to continue the relationship with an emotionally distant partner. If someone has a completely different need for closeness, this problem will hardly be solvable. The question then is whether you can and want to come to terms with it.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
