Allegations against actor Jonah Hill have surfaced in the past week. He is said to have emotionally abused his ex-girlfriend – she herself published the allegation. A couples therapist now evaluated his behavior.
Sarah Brady was in a relationship with actor Jonah Hill from 2021 to 2022. In mid-July, his ex-girlfriend released unverified screenshots of Jonah Hill’s messages to her, which the internet called “toxic and manipulative.” She herself publicly accused him of emotional abuse.
His written demands? She should stop surfing with men, post photos in bathing suits and limit her friendships with “unstable women”. He calls it his “personal limits.” Sarah is now accused of framing his “boundaries” as emotional abuse. But are his requirements really personal limits or is it a question of compulsion to control and manipulation wrapped up in progressive therapy language?
Jaane Henning, psychologist and couples therapist and co-founder of the relationship app recoupling, which helps couples with relationship problems, explains why this behavior can be dangerous and why real, personal boundaries and jointly defined rules are important in relationships.
Jonah Hill released the documentary “Stutz” about his own psychotherapy earlier this year. His therapy experience cannot be dismissed out of hand. But what happens when what is learned becomes a means of emotional manipulation? In the screenshots of Jonah Hill’s alleged lyrics, he lists behaviors that represent his “limitations to a romantic partnership,” and if she did those things, he wouldn’t be the right partner for her.
Jonah Hill uses manipulation in the relationship
The actor uses phrases from his own therapy to apparently get Brady to behave the way he wants. “It can happen that people misuse therapy language to achieve their own manipulative goals. Manipulation in relationships is a complex issue and can take many forms,” says Henning.
Manipulative people may use therapy jargon to control their partners, enforce their own desires, or evade responsibility for their own behavior. The couples therapist explains the benefit behind this in more detail: “For example, you could try to make your partner feel guilty or take responsibility for problems in the relationship by manipulatively using certain terms or concepts. This creates a shifted power dynamic, in which a partner tries to show their superiority by presenting themselves as an expert. The use of ‘therapy jargon’ can be very damaging to a relationship dynamic, as such terms can be ‘misunderstood’ and thus often misused.”
Some reasons why Jonah Hill’s supposed boundaries are problematic, according to the expert:
- Lack of respect for partner’s autonomy: Everyone should have the right to make their own decisions and socialize as long as those decisions do not compromise the safety or well-being of others.
- Controlling Behaviors: Controlling behaviors can lead to unhealthy dynamics in the relationship and affect the partner’s trust and freedom.
- Limitation of individual development: Everyone should have the opportunity to pursue their own interests and personal development as long as this does not violate the relationship or the rights of others.
- Inequality and Double Standards: A healthy relationship should be based on mutual respect, equality and fairness.
Boundaries and rules are important in a relationship as they lay the foundation for a healthy and respectful partnership. Henning explains the background why they play an important role:
- Self-determination and individual needs: Everyone has their own needs, values and limits. By setting and communicating personal boundaries and rules, we can respect our individual needs and stay true to ourselves. This allows both partners to maintain their autonomy and pursue their own goals.
- Clear communication: Boundaries and rules create a clear basis for communication in the relationship. By being open and honest about our boundaries, we can help our partner better understand what is important to us and what we can or cannot accept in a relationship. Clear communication helps to avoid misunderstandings and resolve conflicts.
- Respect and Safety: By setting boundaries and rules, we show our partners what is acceptable to us and what is not. It creates an environment of respect where both partners can feel safe and secure. Boundaries serve as a protective mechanism, ensuring that each individual’s personal boundaries and emotional needs are respected.
- Balance and compromise: Boundaries and rules help to find a healthy balance between the individual needs of both partners. They make it possible to compromise and come to mutual agreements that are acceptable to both sides. By respecting and acknowledging individual boundaries, partnerships can be made more harmonious and balanced.
- Protection from Abuse and Exploitation: Boundaries also serve as a protective mechanism against abusive behavior or exploitation in a relationship. They enable unhealthy dynamics to be identified and avoided, and provide a basis for setting personal boundaries to ensure one’s safety.
So it’s not about one partner setting the rules and boundaries and the other jumping, as in the case of Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady, quite the opposite. “Boundaries and rules in a relationship can help to promote respect, security, communication and individual development. However, it is important that relationship rules are always defined together and then apply equally to both. Everything only applies if they are set by both and be accepted and both stick to it,” says Jaane Henning.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
