It’s one of the first meetings with a potential new partner and suddenly the ex is being snubbed. This behavior could be honesty – or it could mean a big warning sign in dating.
“My ex-husband was super narcissistic, everything revolved around him” or “Oh you can cook? My ex-girlfriend couldn’t even peel a carrot” are sentences that shouldn’t really have any place in dating. Some speak subconsciously of the love that has passed, others quite consciously to flatter the new acquaintance. Why? So that one has the feeling that one is a particularly good and capable catch and often flatters one’s own ego.
But if a new acquaintance often mentions the ex-partner in a negative context, this could mean much more than transparency in dating. It could also be a big red flag, i.e. a warning signal, when getting to know each other.
The “Ärzteblatt” quoted a study by the University of Bonn that dealt with the phenomenon of why some people speak badly about their ex. According to the researchers, one reason for this is one’s own satisfaction with life. Often only a new relationship improves the perception of the old one, because the new happiness in love is fulfilling and takes the focus away from the ex. The researchers’ conclusion after interviewing 144 subjects was: the more you talk about your ex, the more attached you are to the past and dissatisfied with your own love life. It doesn’t matter how long ago the breakup was.
Gossip about your ex when dating shows bad character
The reasons why someone talks bad about their ex when dating are either unconscious or meant flatteringly. Some people tell horror stories from the past to indirectly explain why they are single or to flatter the new acquaintance. True to the motto: You are much better and would certainly never behave like this. Sometimes it can also simply be that the person who is cheating on you is not even aware of how much they still think about their ex.
The qualified psychologist Ulrike Scheuermann described the blasphemy about the ex to the online magazine “Watson” even as a warning signal when dating: “I would always assume that someone who talks bad about others will also talk bad about me at some point”. . Since nobody wants bad things to be said about them after a breakup, and certainly not with quasi-strangers like dates, care should be taken. Gossip about someone you shared your life with who was close to you is not a good character trait.
But the psychologist also warns that, in addition to this questionable behavior, there could also be the fact that you still have feelings for your ex-partner: “It may be that the ex-relationship has not yet been digested, has not yet been reflected on. And that would not be a good prerequisite for a new relationship,” she says to the online portal. So it’s better to date in the future according to the motto: the past should remain the past and you should never forget that there are always two sides to every story.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
