In the relationships of couple, arguments are almost impossible to avoid. In some cases, they occur less frequently, however, it is something that usually happens when a loving bond is maintained. Regarding this, therapists have emphasized how important it is not to say certain phrases during fights that could affect the relationship.
The first thing they recommend is not to generalize. Kier Gaines, therapist who works with individuals and couples in Washington suggests that the phrases “you always” and “you never“They are usually exaggerated and usually discredit the effort made by the other person.
Instead of using those words, the professional recommends that, when your partner becomes defensive, you should mention that what you are having is no longer a conversation to resolve problems but is turning into an argument.
Furthermore, he maintains that in relationships no need to delve into the pastbut rather stay in the present and focus on the problem that has arisen at that moment.
Deflections and comparisons during the fight
Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University, says that one of the phrases she hears most is “yes, but…“. About this, it suggests that one person is raising a concern and that the other person will agree and then add a warning. To replace this, the psychologist recommends saying “what I hear from you is that.”
For his part, Gaines also mentions the error that exists in compare your partner to another person. In that sense, in a discussion we must avoid saying: “You should be more like“According to the professional, this can generate jealousy problems and affect confidence and self-esteem within the relationship.
“This was never a problem in my other relationships.“, is among the eight things not to say in the middle of a fight. According to Wonbin Jung, therapist and specialist in the treatment of LGBTQ couples, this phrase can completely destroy the trust and security you have in a couple.
Layoffs
Another thing that should not be said according to Salomon is “you’re overreacting“, that can upset the other person since no one can determine what reactions are appropriate for oneself. Dr. Jung also mentions that asking the partner to take it easy on the conversation usually has the opposite effect so we must avoid saying “take it easy“.
Finally, during a fight with your partner you should not say “it’s not that big of a deal” since it is being implied that the other person’s concerns are not serious. It is advisable to recognize that they have different opinions.
Source: Ambito
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
