New Year: how to overcome the feeling of failure of unmet goals

It is a reality that people usually evaluate the emotional life in terms of success or failure; although not always as learning and future projection. This change, subtle and profound at the same time, allows us to redirect that apparently “negative” energy into something constructive.

When making a goal plan – and there are millions of people who do it at the end of the year – it is possible that the essential factor to achieve them is not taken into account: they must be realistic, measurable, tangible and set a date. If any of these “table legs” are missing, it is highly likely that it will be difficult to reach them.

What is a dream and what is a goal?

At the same time, it is important distinguish a dream from a goal: the dream is related to an internal impulse, a desire, something dreamlike and not very tangible. To make it a reality, you have to set an expiration date and an action plan based on consecutive, totally concrete mini-goals.

That is why many people live dreaming, and only a small percentage dares to assume the personal responsibility (which cannot be delegated) involved in carrying out a goal, no matter how small.

Frustration over what has not been accomplished

It is natural to face frustration when feeling like you have failed by not having achieved a goal. The truth, although it hurts, is that if that goal had been important enough, the person would have done much more to achieve it. It’s that simple: we achieve what we give relevance to; everything else is expressions of desire.

By not achieving what you wanted to achieve, for whatever reason, the role of victim of circumstances – environment, family, country, money and resources of any kind – usually appears, when it is well known that whoever wants, can. There are millions of examples that teach us that we can go beyond the limitation that prevents us from moving forward to achieve a goal that is truly felt, lived and designed from the heart and projected over time: that is why we achieve them.

When a person feels the sensation of failure speaking in their ear about unmet goals, there are several things that can be explored and activated:

• a) Ask yourself seriously how important the commitment was of the person with HIS goal.
• b) Analyze the reasons why you did not achieve it: and here the role of protagonist of life appears, which is needed; versus that of victim of circumstances. The victim justifies her inaction, the person responsible takes charge and takes a proactive attitude.
• c) Observe your own profile of persistence, perseverance, integrity and total commitment to the goal. Many people may have done “something”…although that “something” is not the 100% commitment it takes to get results.
• d) Recognize the limiting beliefs that prevented you from achieving it: for example, “I don’t know how to do it”, “it’s very difficult”, “I wanted to take a break…”, “I don’t have money”, “the country doesn’t help”, and so many other elaborations that are -in essence- pure justifications . As you can see, the focus is generally on the outside and not on taking action to learn something new, or finding ways to finance yourself, for example.
• and) If the goal is still important, you can re-agree with one (and with everyone involved) to put it back into action in a consistent, realistic and concrete way in the following period. It is necessary to measure the result permanently, and correct any deviations that may occur.

Ideas to not get frustrated and give yourself the strength to achieve what you set out to do

Here are some practical suggestions that can serve as guidance to face goal design situations and avoid getting frustrated in the attempt:

Organize the last quarter of the year, and the first two months of the next:

Productivity and the addiction to achieving goals and objectives faster and faster lead to an unusual race, with the high cost of anxiety, which ends up poorly channeled. To get to the end of the year well, the ideal is:

• A) Don’t leave everything to the last minute.
• B) Take the last quarter as the key to planning the end and beginning of next year – at least the first two months.
• C) Articulate these goals with collaborators or close people.
• D) Keep a record of the process of the year-end objectives, and schedule them in a physical calendar or system where they can be viewed very clearly.

Preserve personal spaces:

It is essential not to lose personal spaces, or rest, in order to arrive with the accumulated work or commitments. This is key to maintaining the meaning and purpose of enjoying life.

Be reasonable with the probability that you will not be able to do everything you want:

One thing is what is desired, and another is what is humanly possible to achieve, without this meaning justifying or procrastinating tasks.

By placing in a framework of equity between what is possible and what is achievable, it will be possible to refine what is pending, to take charge of what is important. Then, what can be postponed for the moment will be transferred to the calendar for the first half of the year.

Likewise, whatever is feasible will be derived or delegated for someone else to implement; and we will work on this new diagram of objectives for the end of the year.

Ask for help, share responsibilities, and set reasonable goals:

Another belief of people who overexert themselves at the end of the year is that they have to do it alone. Thus, they will end up exhausted, in a bad mood, irascible and with little flexibility in the face of unforeseen events that may arise.

Asking for help, even to prioritize objectives – for example, with a superior at work – will be a good methodology.

Likewise, it is possible to learn to say “no” in time and propose alternatives; hang in a visible space the calendar of tasks to be executed and their closing dates; follow up with other people, and report your progress; and lay out the formal agenda for the following year.

All of these ideas, if you execute them continuously and consistently, will help you organize yourself and better achieve the reasonable goals at the end of the year.

Facilitator and Master Executive Coach specialized in senior management, professionals and teams; mentor and professional communicator; international speaker; author of 32 books. LinkedIn Top Voice Latin America. ICF certified professional coach at the highest level, Certified Coach, Member and Mentor in Maxwell Leadership, the John Maxwell team.