Toxic patterns in a relationship can take many forms, but often there is a very manipulative partner behind the mask who puts the other down and uses one or more of the following behaviors.
Conversations and discussions that go around in circles, where you occasionally wonder whether you haven’t answered something long ago and are left exhausted and confused, are often the means of manipulators in a relationship. People who put words in your mouth, lie shamelessly and always want you to doubt your own perception. If you observe characteristics of manipulation within a relationship, the answer is clearly: open your eyes. Because the following twelve behaviors make you tired, perplexed and often leave you desperate.
Reverse psychology
You yourself don’t feel like going to an invitation and blame it on your partner by saying: “I would like to go, but I don’t want you to feel tortured or forced, so I’ll cancel it.” Either you want your partner to say, I’m happy to come with you, even though that’s not the case, or you’re hiding your own reluctance behind goodwill towards your partner.
White lies
You are afraid to tell your partner the truth if a mishap or mistake has happened to you. So you start to cover up your mistake, hoping that you won’t get beaten up and there won’t be an argument. But white lies can also affect other people, for example friends who you want to meet without your partner: you pretend that the person is not feeling well at the moment and that you would therefore rather go alone this time, for example.
The comparison
You want your partner to do something for you or agree to something, but you know that the other person doesn’t actually like or want that. So tell friends, colleagues or neighbors where the partner did all this for someone and praise their actions. At some point, when in doubt, the partner feels compelled to act towards the people mentioned and agrees.
calculation
They do something nice for their partner or arrange a small gift, give a gift or give in to desired activities only with the aim that your partner will next have to do something that they don’t feel like doing. But not because they wanted to do something good for their partner.
Manipulators can poison any relationship
The car salesman
The partner has a different attitude, for example regarding a purchase. Then a kind of sales conversation begins. Arguments for your point of view are presented without periods or commas, the other person is hardly allowed to have a say and in the end you act as if your partner had agreed: “So let’s do it like this now, shall we?!”
Pretending false facts
Many people have experienced this in relationships, the faking of false facts. There are two possible ways: Either you claim that you know everything: “You don’t have to lie about your messages to other men, I know it anyway” and the person acts as if he has an informant – or the opposite Trip. You already know more about a situation, but you don’t admit it and act ignorant. So you let your partner explain without knowing anything and immediately fish out the lies that you then later throw at him or her.
Feigned indifference
You actually know exactly what you want for dinner, but you don’t want to seem patronizing. This is how you act as if you don’t care about anything. But every suggestion from the other person is talked down to until you get to the restaurant or dish that you favored from the start.
The ex comparison
“Oh, you don’t want to do that for me? My ex had no problem with it at all, in fact she was very happy to do it and did it well!” – Sentences like these hurt and they should. They are intended to represent a comparison and feed the idea of competition so that the partner feels obliged to do everything that the ex supposedly did.
Independence and sanctions
Just like the ex-comparison, the feigned independence is the same. “Oh, you can’t help me with that? No problem, then I’ll be less available in the future, I have to take care of my things.” If you don’t, then… that’s the principle. You don’t want the way I want, then I will sanction you for it. This is often followed, especially with narcissists, by what is known as “silent treatment”. A kind of withdrawal of love in which the other person completely ignores you until you squirm and beg for attention or even do everything the other person wants.
The relationship and the soul of the person being manipulated suffer from manipulation
Today like this, tomorrow like this
A manipulator often also tends to change his or her verbalized goals and desires in life as often as possible. Why? So that his partner can never please him. This contributes to the other person feeling small and inadequate, which in turn can lead to more compliance in order to please.
Conversation reversal
You bring up a problem you have with your partner and before you know it, the conversation no longer revolves around the criticism presented, but rather about your own mistakes. It’s almost impossible to go back to the beginning and in the end you almost regret making the criticism.
Gaslighting
One of the worst manipulations in a toxic relationship is gaslighting. This behavior describes people who try to distort the perception of the other person. Example: One wants to present a situation from the past and the other person vehemently claims that it was not like that and that it is not true, even though what was presented is true. The toxic partner does this until you question yourself whether you were wrong. You are left uncertain and perplexed, often desperate, because you can say whatever you want, provide evidence yourself – the other person will claim that you are lying or misrepresenting things.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
