For the uses and customs, and the rules of patriarchal love, the man must do it. And for feminist egalitarian norms, this would denote behavior well known as “machirulo.”
Who pays on the first appointment? For the uses and customs, and the rules of patriarchal love, the man must do it without question. It is a must. And for feminist egalitarian norms, this would denote behavior well known as “machirulo.”
A co-worker assured me that gallantry was the prelude to sexism. And another confirmed to me that the guy who doesn’t put his hand in his wallet is a rat. What is meant by the act of paying? In the case of men stigmatized in patriarchal culture, it is about “demonstrating” economic solidity. It has to do with what grandmothers used to say: “A good game.” Powerful guys in bed, and solvent in goods. Perhaps, in that first meeting these ghosts are played and, captured by stereotypes, one acts in this way and not in another.
And I wonder, in the case of a seduction scene where a man and a woman are sitting. Does wanting to buy you a coffee make me a sexist? Can we de-construct the act of paying? Jacques Derrida, in his seminars on Hospitality, proposes this as an act of generosity where I offer my house or my property to that foreigner who needs it. If I house him, I give him care and protection, that becomes acts loaded with loving gestures. Because I offer my house for those who need it. And why not think that if I invite someone with whom I want to share my time, it can be an offering? If I did it at my house, we would talk about hospitality, but if the meeting point is a neutral place and the treat is a coffee, a beer or a wine, what impediments would there be for this to constitute an act of love?
The act of inviting becomes an offering, because I don’t want to show anything that I am not, shedding hateful stereotypes, and maybe, why not? appealing to reciprocity that, if she invites me, my masculinity will not be sullied. Money, from this perspective, is a means to offer, not to buy any will, nor do I use it to manipulate, but it is the instrument of an act of love, out of pure curiosity to get to know you. Wanting to know you is recognizing you as a similar other, someone who awakens my desire to share, and perhaps it is the prelude to a story where love is the protagonist and distances from appearances and stereotyped roles.
Assuming the above will imply, of course, an ethical decision on our part, because despite certain mistrust that is imposed in this time in which we live, we should be fully aware of not being trapped by the logic of production, which results in a loss of love in our relationships. The still patriarchal mandates of spectacularity and performance turn us into automatons of love, which drive us to demonstrate to the detriment of knowing and re-knowing another person in whom a universe awaits to be discovered.
Psychologist and writer
Source: Ambito
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
