study
Single: People who have lower self-esteem put more effort into dating
Most people want a partner, but not all singles put a lot of effort into getting to know someone new. A current study has now decoded why this could be.
Isn’t it often nicer to watch a film with two people in the evening than alone? Isn’t cooking for two people more fun than for one? Being single is not always a joy and many people want a partner for life. But why is it that some people literally fall out when dating and make a real effort to conquer the new acquaintance, while someone else just buys a coffee and sends one message a day?
Researchers Menelaos Apostolou, Burcu Tekeş and Antonios Kagialis got to the bottom of the cause of these differences in a 2024 study. 990 people of Greek and Turkish origin were surveyed about the extent to which their own fear influences their dating efforts. The study included 568 women with an average age of 33.4 years, 412 men who were on average 34.8 years old, six gender-diverse individuals, and four gender-unspecified individuals. Of the participants, 25.9 percent reported being in a relationship, 20.1 percent were involuntarily single, 19.3 percent were married, 18.7 percent were in a relationship, 12.0 percent were voluntarily single, and 4.0 percent were classified their relationship status as “other.”
Does the fear of being single have anything to do with the dating effort? The researchers asked
The researchers then asked the participants about the effort they had put into finding long-term relationships. On a scale of 1 to 5, you should rate the following statements for yourself:
- If I’m alone at the end of my life, I’ll probably feel like there’s something wrong with me.
- The thought of remaining single forever scares me.
- Loneliness scares me.
- It scares me not having an intimate partner by my side.
- It scares me to be single.
Based on the evaluations, the study confirmed what the researchers had previously suspected. Those who are more afraid of being single also put more effort into finding a partner.
So people who are afraid of loneliness seem to put more effort, activities and socializing into dating. Conversely, the researchers were also able to verify that someone who is voluntarily single and has no fear of being alone does not necessarily want to stay alone, but makes less intensive efforts to get to know each other due to the lack of fear. There were no differences between the genders.
Another insight the researchers derived from the participants’ self-esteem. By ranking them again on a scale with statements like “I feel like I don’t have much to be proud of,” they rated the self-esteem of the people surveyed. It turned out that there is a direct connection between the factors: people with higher self-esteem are more confident in finding and keeping a partner, which reduces their fear of being alone. Therefore, they invest less time and effort into dating.
The bottom line is that anyone who invests more effort in the process of getting to know each other and dating than a single person is not automatically more interested in the other person. It could also be that the person is simply afraid of being alone and doesn’t have the best self-esteem.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
