“I thought HIV destroyed my life” – a person affected tells

This text comes from the star archive and first appeared in 2023

“Women with HIV, there is still far too little talking about that. As a result, many heterosexual people don’t even think that it could happen to them. It was the same with me. I got infected in Portugal at the age of 26. We were in love and had a very intensive week together.

At some point he wanted to have sex without a condom and because I wanted to like it, I took part. At that time I was not strong enough to enforce my needs. In retrospect, I realized that I was really treated terribly overall. I did things that I actually didn’t want – but I think a lot of women know that, unfortunately.

Before that, I actually always controlled outside of a relationship that it happened to me exactly there, was actually as likely as a six in the lottery. And only some time later I noticed that I have HIV. A few weeks after the vacation love, I suddenly felt really bad, I had flu symptoms.

With the unprotected sex, I didn’t associated that. Only when I donated blood eight months later did the infection came out. When the doctor called me and said I had to come again because there were abnormalities, I thought of a lot, but not HIV.

For me it was a shock. When I talked to the doctor, I saw my life walking past. At that time it was already known that there were medication and that you can lead a largely normal life with the infection and is no longer contagious, but that hadn’t arrived for me until then. I said to the doctor that I like to live so much, maybe want children and that I am afraid not to be able to work normally. I thought HIV destroyed my life. That was eleven years ago. Today I know better.

Today I actually find my life with HIV very cool. I have been able to get to know a lot of lovely people through the infection. There are HIV-positive that deal very well with their fate, which means that a real community has formed. Of course there are also people with an HIV infection who are not so relaxed. It always depends on what you make of it. My father once said: ‘We all die at some point. You have just received it again by email. ‘

To be confronted with your own mortality, but clearly does something with one. Whereby: HIV-positive nowadays have the same life expectancy as everyone else. Some may even say a higher one, because we can go to the doctor every three months and can react faster to changes.

Even if that may sound strange: HIV also gave me a lot of positive things. I have the feeling that my relationships have become much more intense and real. I am infinitely grateful for the time with the people who are important to me – and tell them more often than before. Overall, I have the feeling that I have become stronger through the infection. As a HIV-positive, I also belong to a marginal group and sometimes feel that through discrimination. That changes one. It made me more resistant.

Nevertheless, there are areas in my life in which I do not address the topic. For example, only two colleagues know about my work on my work. I don’t dare and somehow would have the feeling that it has to make the topic bigger than it has to be when I tell the whole college that I have HIV. It doesn’t change my personality or work.

In the private environment, however, it is important to me to speak openly about it. Many people have not yet been sufficiently informed today. In partnerships, too, I often had to explain that I am not contagious due to the medication and have a normal life. I can’t infect anyone even during sex without a condom. Unfortunately, many don’t know that yet. Even children would generally be possible. Fortunately for my friend, the topic of HIV was no problem at all, I told him directly on the first date and he already knew about the current state of knowledge.

All in all, most HIV-positive people live a normal life, apart from the three-month visits to the doctor and one tablet a day. Unfortunately, many people don’t know that, which is why they still combine a certain uncertainty or even fear with us. On the other hand, heterosexuals do not get enough of sex with new sexual partners. The number of infection at heteros is currently stagnating, while they have dropped in men who have sunk sex with men in 2021. Far too often people still have sex without a condom, although HIV should actually be familiar to everyone.

To change that, we absolutely need more information, especially among children and young people. It would also help if more people with HIV are present in public. We exist and we live with the infection. Perhaps more people would then understand that the danger for everyone is equally large to become infected with HIV – no matter what sexual orientation or the level of relationship it has. When I talk to people about my HIV disease, I always have a request to you: Tell it, at least one person.

It is elementary that we carry the knowledge of HIV into broad society so that more people can be tested. Self -tests are also available from drugstores and pharmacies these days. Some people will walk around who are infected, but do not know. In doubt, they put others on and so on. HIV is no longer fatal and can be treated well these days, but it can still be avoided to infect the virus at all.

This can happen to everyone, I even got to know monogamous couples, where a HIV suddenly had. They weren’t that monogamous. But the example shows that there is no security without contraception. Unfortunately, too many are still relying on their luck. I didn’t do it any other way back then. And even if the infection or chronic illness enriches my life today, I would no longer do without the condom with new sexual partners if I could turn the time back. “

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*Note from the editor: The name of the protagonist was changed at her request.