love or freedom? Millennials in search of happiness

“The inability to relate and bond, which is talked about so much these days, is nothing other than the striving for universal self-realization,” writes author Michael Nast in his book “”. That was in 2016. Since then, the fear of attachment has been considered one of the defining ones Characteristics of Generation Y

And if you take a look around the generation of millennials, you will quickly notice that the pronounced urge for freedom is still there. Maybe he got even bigger. Instead of just shirking the potential limitations of a romantic relationship, this generation is increasingly promoting more flexibility at work and wants to discover the world instead of settling down.

Binding yes, but also freedom

But people who were born between 1980 and 1995 don’t want to do without relationships completely. They want the whole pie: commitment and freedom.

And that can lead to a real life of conflict, like relationship coach in conversation with the star says: “There are great thoughts of freedom that counteract the human need for attachment. This can lead to a bit of conflict in life planning and leads to contradictory attachment behavior.”

In this case, contradictory means that the millennials on the one hand want a partner or a permanent job, but on the other hand are afraid that their personal development will be slowed down by their commitment. This doesn’t have to be a contradiction. In a healthy partnership, it is quite possible to live out your desire for freedom and also to meet your own needs. “That this is not possible is a widespread and stubborn misconception of Generation Y,” says Litzbarski, who wrote “” a relationship guide for Generation Y.

Less sex, more psychological problems

As a result, many millennials avoid commitments. Be it in your love life, at work or when choosing your place of residence. house purchase? Children? Permanent position for life? Don’t! Instead, many Generation Y people prefer to hop from job to job, avoid a steady relationship from date to date, or travel far away to avoid staying in one place for too long. Of course, there are enough counterexamples to all of this – but at least one trend towards the erratic behavior of millennials can also be scientifically proven.

For example, one came to the conclusion that Generation Y has the greatest need for travel compared to their predecessors and successors. While 55 percent of Millennials planned a vacation within the next year, only 22 percent of Generation Z and 12 percent of Baby Boomers did.

Other studies show that , invest less in home ownership and change jobs more often than any previous generation. But also that Generation Y is particularly lonely and is more prone to mental problems. But in the end, these are perhaps only symptoms of the zeitgeist in which Generation Y lives and loves.

Please as non-binding as possible

Every generation has its own challenges, no question about it. But in the last 30 to 40 years, people have been confronted with increasing uncertainties: reunification, financial crisis, wars, pandemics and the sword of Damocles called the climate crisis is hanging over all of this. Not to be forgotten: the prospect of poverty in old age and, of course, the omnipresence of the internet.

Millennials are also dreaming less and less of a comfortable life in the suburbs because, unlike their parents’ generation, it is often not possible for them to fulfill this dream. Even before inflation, Generation Y had comparatively worse financial opportunities. One shows that millennials are less and less likely to match their parents’ standard of living.

And this despite the fact that Generation Y’s standard of education is significantly higher on average. However, millennials are less willing to compromise when it comes to their job choices. With demands for long-term home office, a lived start-up culture and more flexible working time models, the generation has driven the positive change in the working world, which Generation Z is now thinking further.

But there are contradictions here too: The need for a healthy work-life balance and freedom meets the desire to pursue a meaningful activity in which one can then realize oneself. This often leads to millennials trying out a lot so as not to have to commit themselves.

And that brings us back to the love life of Generation Y. In her digital practice, Carolyn Litzbarski works with many millennials who want a committed relationship – but always fail. Instead, they go on many dates with many different people. She also observes a form of self-sabotage among the generation as she speaks to the star explains: “One side of them longs for a relationship and wonders what’s wrong every time a date doesn’t work out. The other side, however, is very freedom-loving and enjoys the benefits of single life to the fullest – and then prevents it sometimes unconscious that more can come of the encounter.”

Life in extremes

Chances are, however, that millennials will eventually figure out their self-sabotage. Because they are more concerned with their inner life than any other generation before. The fact that depression and other mental illnesses is being talked about more and more openly, that the world is becoming more and more diverse, colorful and tolerant, and that the awareness of the value of one’s own emotional world is growing in the general population, is something we all share in generation Y owe.

However, the awareness of mental health often encounters a strong focus on performance and competitive pressure, which is fueled not least by social media. The key here is finding the right balance.

According to Carolyn Litzbarski, many millennials prefer to choose the extremes instead: “I know many young people who consciously decide against a partnership completely and thus have more time and energy to build up a stable network of friends.” Her prognosis: In the future there will be more and more people who choose this way of life.

And according to the social worker and systemic consultant, this shows another characteristic of the generation that struggles with commitment: “People know that they don’t need a partner to be happy and successful in life. Instead, they realize themselves and travel to Example the world if you feel like it. I think that’s a very positive development.”