Interview
From a phallic symbol to a designer piece: the days when the possession of sex toys was something offensive are long gone. Regular use is commonplace for women and men alike – but is that also true of relationships? And can sex toys improve your love life? The stern has asked.
More and more people are now using sex toys. According to an even 60 percent of the women surveyed and almost 50 percent of the men surveyed. However, the statistics do not show how often sex toys enrich the love life of couples. Especially in long-term relationships, it is often seen as a miracle cure for a sleepy sex life. But are pair vibrators and co. Really the solution for this? Ann-Marlene Henning, renowned sex and couple counselor, reveals how you can use sextoys for yourself and what the biggest beginner mistakes are stern in an interview.
“For many it is strange at first”: (S) Expert tips from a sex and couple counselor
She is one of Germany’s best-known sex therapists and is a master of her subject – more precisely her subjects (sexology and couples therapy): Ann-Marlene Henning. The sexologist supports couples in finding solutions to sexual lulls, sexual aversion or even sexual desires. To improve the love life that may have fallen asleep and to rediscover or rediscover the fun of sex. In the following interview, she answers whether sex toys for couples should play an important role.
Ms. Henning, why do some couples have reservations when it comes to sex toys?
For many couples, the topic has a negative connotation. Sex toys are often discussed when the feeling arises that normal sex life is no longer going to work or is no longer sufficient. The motivation why it is used plays a major role. If, on the other hand, a couple looks positive, playful and curious about the matter, it immediately looks friendlier: Sex toys can be a good stimulus for your own sex life.
Which sex toys would you recommend to couples who have no previous experience with them?
I would recommend a sex toy without a motor. And make the suggestion, first with , Creams and feathers etc. to play. Only when the couple has broken away from the traditional choreography of their sex can other things literally come into play. I developed my own intimate-erotic for couples who haven’t really felt each other for a long time. It starts with small, short conversations and leads to small, fine touches. The couple develop the end of the game themselves – whether it comes to sex or not is entirely up to them. In general, it is always about feeling yourself and the other person first.
Would you encourage couples to incorporate sex games into their love life?
Sex therapists hardly ever try to encourage couples to integrate sex toys, since the body’s own is more important first. Sex toys cannot wake up a sleepy love life. When a bored couple tries to find the solution to their lull in sex through toys, a brief flare-up will be enough and everything will be as boring as before. It is important to build up more knowledge about your own body and that of your partner. That is in the foreground. Only then can toys be added. Especially with older people, for example with men who can no longer achieve a sufficient erection after a prostate disease, toys can be a temporary help, for example to pamper their own wife with sexual intercourse. For example with one or one .
What are the typical beginner mistakes many couples make when it comes to sex toys?
The typical beginner’s mistake is to assume that everything will immediately get better by itself. The reality is often different. For many, it is strange at first to fiddle around with plastic or silicone parts in bed. Motors hum, everything vibrates. As always, a good dose of humor helps. Gradually you get used to it and can relax, then you can start trying things out and “playing”. Another mistake is that both partners get so used to the tremendous vibration and humming that nothing goes without them afterwards. As I often say, the tongue, fingers, or penis don’t vibrate.
Study: Germans have that much sex
In September 2020 a new one on “Health and Sexuality in Germany” (GeSiD) attracted media attention. It was carried out by the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf (UKE), the Federal Center for Health Education (BZgA) and the social research institute Kantar. It involved 4,955 adults (2,336 men and 2,619 women) between 18 and 75 years of age. Among other things, it came out that 42 percent of those questioned consider the use of “dildos or vibrators” to be an unusual sex practice. What supports Ann-Marlene Henning’s statements about the fear of contact with sex toys. And what about the sex life of the respondents? This is also evident from the study: around a fifth of those surveyed stated that they had last been sexually active more than four weeks ago. In terms of frequency, women and men between the ages of 18 and 35 said they had sex an average of five times a month. For 36 to 45 year olds it was still four times a month and for 46 to 55 year olds 45 times over the whole year. So an average of four times a month.
