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There are plenty of questions and myths about sex. We have tackled some of them and are answering them in this series together with sexologist Dania Schiftan. This episode is about lovemaking and variety in bed.
Especially if you have been in a relationship with a partner for a long time, it can happen that after a certain time routine or even boredom sets in in your love life. If you want more variety in bed, you should take action. Sexologist Dania Schiftan gives the star Tips for a more exciting love game.
How to make your lovemaking more exciting
“The thing about variety and diversity in sex is a tricky one,” says Dania Schiftan. “We know from everyday sex therapy that couples usually mean well for each other. And especially at the beginning, you try out a lot of things together. But over time, usually in the first six to nine months, after this open phase, you sort out a lot.” Everything that you get the impression that the other person didn’t like, or that you even received feedback that you didn’t like. “And so you often end up with the lowest common denominator. Because you’ve learned from experience that it works well, is stable and reliable.” In principle, that’s a good idea.
But over the years it can become monotonous. At the same time, the quality of the relationship improves, but so does the fear of suddenly wanting to try something new that the other person is not used to. And for which you could be considered perverted, or the other person could be disappointed, explains the expert. “And that’s why it’s not so easy to bring something new into your sex life, especially in a long-term relationship.” With couples, the sexologist takes a closer look at this part, consisting of the familiar and possible fear of the new.
“The next step is to find out, perhaps in a playful way, i.e. in lovemaking, what might provide variety and be enjoyed by both parties.” But that’s not all. “The main work is actually to find out with an individual what would be important to him or her and what exactly they would like to do if they were allowed to try things out completely freely.” To do this, you have to know your own needs and preferences, which sometimes get lost in a relationship. Only when you really know these can you authentically present them to your partner and try them out together.
And then it’s about finding out how the couple is feeling emotionally. “Is the process, how and when sex takes place, still consistent?” is one of the questions a couple should ask themselves in such a phase, explains the expert. More important than trying out new positions or practices is therefore ensuring harmony. Just as characters develop over the course of a relationship, preferences can also change. It is important to always remain in communication and emotional exchange. And to question whether the relationship is generally harmonious. Sometimes difficulties in sex are also buried in disagreements between people, Dania Schiftan points out. This issue also needs to be considered, especially if you want to try out new things and find out what you are currently missing. But sometimes it is enough to try something new together to bring excitement back into lovemaking.
Specifically, couples in which one partner suddenly wants BDSM elements in their lovemaking can talk about the motivation behind it and make small changes to create variety in bed: or for example, to introduce the other person to the topic and to feel their way around it. This way you can test together whether this type of lovemaking can work and cause excitement. If the first attempts go well, you can expand the repertoire and incorporate even more new elements.
More tips for variety in bed
- If a couple keeps repeating the same position and the sex seems to be rehearsed, it can help to consciously try out new positions. For example, consciously try anal sex to get out of the routine and comfort zone step by step. A small, soft which can be enlarged step by step and as desired.
- The BDSM elements mentioned above can also make lovemaking more exciting and provide variety in bed. Light bondage games in particular can gently introduce couples to this type of lovemaking. Shibari, the Japanese art of bondage, can also be a good idea to get to know each other again.
- Having sex in a different place than usual is another idea to bring variety back into your sex life.
- To create anticipation for lovemaking, you can also try sexting. This way, couples can learn to put into words what they are looking forward to and what they want – and what they may sometimes not dare to say. Erotic messages can stimulate the imagination and encourage new things.
- To make lovemaking more exciting, it can also be helpful to incorporate striptease. What some people may be ashamed of can seduce their partner to more desire and have a very stimulating effect. It also helps with body awareness and the relationship with one’s own body. Stimulating underwear or can be used here, for example.
- If you have not used sex toys before, you can use them to discover new preferences. A sex swing encourages you to try out new positions, and a couples vibrator can help couples get back into touch with each other in a whole new way.
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Source: Stern
I’m Caroline, a journalist and author for 24 Hours Worlds. I specialize in health-related news and stories, bringing real-world impact to readers across the globe. With my experience in journalism and writing in both print and online formats, I strive to provide reliable information that resonates with audiences from all walks of life.
