Unpleasant conversations: these are exit strategies for annoying small talk

It often starts harmless and then becomes a social sample. At the family meal, the aunt asks for the third time why you are still single. In the elevator, a colleague suddenly confesses that he hates his job and expects sympathy on the way from the ground floor to the tenth floor. At a party, a well -known twenty minutes monologues about his diet, while you only politely asked about a broccoli recipe. And sometimes a wrong word is enough and a harmless small talk becomes a heated argument about politics. Unpleasant conversations often sneak up in our everyday life and hardly anyone knows straight away how to pull yourself out of the affair politely, but definitely. But there are tricks, exit strategies and, yes, even polite escape plans.

The study “End discussions when people want it? “Published in the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences” (PNAS) in March 2021 shows that talks almost never end when both interlocutors want that. Even if someone wants to end the conversation, it rarely happens. On average, the desired duration of a conversation differs significantly from the actual – around half of the time, the study says. The interlocutors often do not know when the other wants to stop and underestimate how different their wishes are. This shows that it is difficult to end a conversation together well because you need information that you don’t normally share. That is why a lot of conversations stop, although nobody really wants to do that, the study says.

Before it escalates, attention helps. Some conversations announce their uncomfortable direction early: topics such as politics, religion or money are classics in which opinions quickly collide. Also attacking questions (“And when do you finally get children?”) Or endless monologues (“I will tell you about my collection of historical office clips …”) are an alarm signal. As soon as you realize that a conversation takes energy or takes an unpleasant turn, it is worth becoming active – rather immediately than too late.

An elegant method to defuse unpleasant conversations is the theme derivation. For example, ask: “This is exciting, but say – how is your new project going?” With a friendly smile and a targeted question, you can gently steer conversations into more safe water.

This technique works particularly well if the opposite is not necessarily a confrontation, but simply chose a bad topic.

Sometimes, however, the most charming theme derivation does not help. Then it is time to actively end the conversation – without a drama.

Here are a few stylish exit movements:

Particularly important: body language and tone should remain friendly. A smile, a sincere nod and direct eye contact show that the rejection does not apply to the person, but the situation.

Sara Jane Ho, etiquette expert with Harvard training, founder of the behavioral school Institute Sarita and moderator of the Netflix series “Mind Your Manners”, explains in her upcoming book publication and the series how to elegantly withdraw from conversations. Her tip: “The best way to end a conversation is to present the person to someone else – so seamless that they hardly notice it.” Your suggestion: “Have you already met my girlfriend? You absolutely have to meet you – she is really impressive.”

If nothing helps, saves humor. A self -ironic: “I just notice that I’m losing my own concentration span – I just have to refuel!” Breaks the tension and gives both parties a face ramp. Humor loosens up, defus the situation and preserves the dignity on both sides.

Sometimes people believe that unpleasant conversations have to be passed through “to the bitter end” in order to appear authentic or brave. But social intelligence also means not to let situations escalate unnecessarily. It is not a sign of weakness to end talks – but one of sovereignty.

Of course there are exceptions: conflict talks with closer friends or partners should not simply be stopped, but deliberately control. But in everyday life, at events or in professional life the following applies: Not every conversation has to be completed. Sometimes the polite escape is the greater act of courtesy.

Unpleasant conversations are part of life. If you learn to end it in a stylish way, not only save time and nerves, but also leave a mature impression. The mix makes it: a little courage, a little charm – and the inner permission to stand up for yourself. Or, to say it casually: Sometimes an elegant departure is the real beginning of a better evening.