Coming out is a big step. It takes a lot of courage to be open about your homosexual or bisexual orientation. The “Rat auf Draht Elternseite” has tips on how parents can support their children in this sensitive phase.
“With an outing, your child is exposed to possible criticism from schoolmates, friends, family and society. An outing is therefore usually accompanied by many fears,” says Arabella Brunner, psychologist at the “Rat auf Draht Elternseite”. “It’s important for parents to treat their children with understanding and compassion, and to be open about what support might be helpful.”
acceptance
It often helps to express acceptance clearly and unequivocally. Because children can fear losing the love of their parents if they are “different” than expected. Shame and the fear of disappointing parents are often behind this. When children have the feeling that they are doing something wrong or even “being wrong”, feelings of guilt are the logical consequence. So be open about the fact that it’s perfectly okay to be interested in the same gender (or even both genders). Tell your child that you love and appreciate them and that their sexual orientation doesn’t change that. It is important that you take your child’s coming out seriously and acknowledge it.
value trust
When your child tells you about their coming out, it is a great vote of confidence and a sign that your child feels safe with you. Be happy that your child lets you participate in their life. If you happen to find out about the outing, it’s especially important not to blame. Talking openly and honestly about your own sexuality is often not easy. Many children know internally that they are sexually attracted to the same or both sexes before they dare to talk about it. Try to empathize with your child’s situation and consider how you would like you to react if you were him.
Courage for self-reflection
Does your child’s coming out trigger feelings such as fear, anger or incomprehension in you? Then ask yourself honestly why that is. Perhaps you fear that your child will face difficulties in the future or that other children will reject you? Or you just can’t picture your son dating a boy or your daughter dating a girl? Changes take time. Give yourself the time you need to deal with your own feelings and also question how justified any fears or worries actually are. You cannot influence how other people react to your child coming out. But how to deal with these reactions. If your child experiences rejection because of their coming out, it is all the more important that you accept them, comfort them and think about what can help together.
enable self-determination
Whether and to whom your child would like to come out is a very personal question and their own decision. So don’t be too hasty in telling other family members or friends about it. Instead, you can ask your child who can know about their coming out and when they want to (and don’t want to) talk about it. Ask your child directly how you can support them before, during, or after they come out. Even if your child doesn’t know the answer to this, you can offer to be there at any time. This signals to your child that they are not alone when they have questions or problems.
get help
In addition to parental support, talking to an outsider about coming out can help the child. “Advice on Wire” is a first point of contact for children and young people, “Advice on Wire for Parents” is available if parents and caregivers need to talk. Both mediate to suitable contact points.
Wired advice
“Elternseite.at” is an offer from “Rat auf Draht” specifically for parents and caregivers. As a first point of contact, the parents’ website supports them with psychological online video advice on questions relating to upbringing and everyday family life.
The platform also offers well-founded information and the opportunity for exchange, e.g. in webinars. 2021 was marked with “Everything clear?!” started a focus on sexual education: www.elternseite.at
Source: Nachrichten
