One of the great challenges with regard to this learning is to manage our emotions in the face of the behaviors they manifest. We tend to attribute certain characteristics to them, such as, for example, that they are “irritable”, and very “changeable”which often means that far from accompanying them at this stage from a place of empathy and active listening, we react on “automatic pilot” with our first reaction being to get angry with them, when, for example, they do not respond as we would like.
For this reason, it is so important to be aware of our emotions when addressing their behaviors, being able to record the differences that exist when we choose to “react” and when for “answer” before these behaviors. When we react, our response is automatic and involuntary and it often happens that many times we classify a situation as “threatening” or provocative, which ends up generating a conflict with them that could have been avoided if our attitude had been different.
It is important to keep in mind that the emotion of anger never comes alone, it is always accompanied by thoughts, these being what often trigger our anger towards our adolescent children. For example, an everyday situation that we experience perhaps often is when our teenagers forget to pick up their plates after eating. In such a situation, a “trigger” thought could be: “He does it to me on purpose so that I pick them up, he only thinks of himself.” This thought could arouse the following reaction on our part: to yell at him You always do the same to me! and unleash a confrontation with our son.
Unlike when we react, to respond we need to be present. This means that we have to put ourselves before our initial reaction to choose what seems most convenient to us. One of the strategies that we can put into practice to be able to manage our emotions in these situations is to take a certain distance from the scene and not take it personally, but as an opportunity to help them on this path of being responsible people and recording their actions. so that tomorrow they will be responsible adults.
It is important to keep in mind that our adolescent children are in a process of transformation, where they go through many emotional, mental and physical changes. Their identity is in full construction so it will be essential to be empathic with them and accompany them in this process. In this sense, when they share their opinions and interests with us, it is important not to take them as a “provocation” towards us and get angry with them, but as manifestations of a person who is in search of identity. Many times we believe that most of the things a teenager does are aimed at making us angry, but this is not the case. They live a process of change, where the links with their peers play a fundamental role in this process of building their personality.
Although all the changes that they go through can surely generate a lot of confusion, to the point of having thoughts such as “What happened to my son, they changed him! From becoming “globs”, now it marks me “distance”, it is important to keep in mind that this stage they are going through is very important and significant for them, where our presence from containment and empathy will be essential to let them know through of our words and actions that we are always present and by their side to accompany them on that path.
Child psychologist, and co-founder of JUEGOlogía, where for several years they have been equipping health professionals and parents with playful and therapeutic tools to work on different cognitive, emotional and social areas in children.
Source: Ambito
