What is the relationship like in a couple with emotional dependency and what is it like in those who are not?
Usually in relationships that do not have this problem, we find people who have a desire to be with the otherthis makes them happier, but the couple does not become something essential for the development of the life of each one. exist shared projectsa place where you can relieve yourself in bad times, a mutual respect for the spaces of each one, the confidence that the other is there. They are more functional when they are chosen out of desire, and not out of necessity.
In contrast, in people with emotional dependency, what we notice more than desire is a Need to be with the other, something that becomes essential for the passing of the person. It cannot function autonomously in the affective sphere, and its low self-esteem and lack of affection towards the same cause a prevailing need for contact and support to be created. Then we can find ourselves with continuous phone calls, requests for help, control, jealousy and overwhelm.
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What is it about?
Emotional dependency is extreme emotional need that a person feels towards their partner and, when it occurs, a bond is created between them that can be addictive. It generates a lopsided tie, which brings negative consequences on both parties. bring rigged submissive behaviorsthoughts obsessive around the couple and fear of abandonment.
The self-esteem and well-being of those who suffer from this Depends exclusively on your partner and not of him or herself. In this situation, the person loses the ability to generate his own path and exercise his own freedom, since he is constantly feeling a need for the other and behaving as a satellite of it.
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Happens that puts that relationship above all elseincluding himself, and over time he leaves other activities and relationships to be with that person all the time, looking for safety in the othera security that he does not find inside himself.
This situation generates a lot of discomfort and anguish in people and can become very toxicinvalidating the individual, and needing the other to be able to live wellmake decisions, be happy, among others.
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What happens to a person with emotional dependency?
A person with a tendency to emotional dependency could show the following signs:
- Feeling of emptiness.
- Low self-esteem.
- Need to please and constant approval.
- Exaggeratedly idealizing certain people with a dominant personality.
- Difficulty breaking ties.
- Marked fear of abandonment.
- Fear to loneliness.
- submissive attitudes.
- The belief that your life is meaningless without your partner.
- The belief that it is not possible to find security and happiness alone.
In general, the relationships are asymmetricwhere the person with emotional dependency has a subordinate role in front of the other.
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Why does it occur?
There are several reasons, but you have to understand that these people feel a great lack of affection, where what they seek is to be able to fill it. They are usually people with a low self-esteemwith many insecurities Y little self-confidence.
There are many factors that can work as antecedents, but let’s not forget that they are multicausal:
- The childhood experiences they play a fundamental role, with early affective deficiencies being a very important factor.
- These people may not have had significant figures in their childhood to provide them with a secure attachment and have been linked from affective lack.
- They may have had a childhood with frustrating, unsatisfying, or belittling relationships.
- They may have had to take over difficult situations where their own needs were not important, among other situations.
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What are the consequences of emotional dependency?
The many consequences a person faces when living by and for a partner, rather than as an individual, can be detrimental to your emotional well-being. can feel you canceled and relegated, since their needs and feelings take a backseat to those of the couple. This can lead to a loss of control over your emotionsby constantly prioritizing the needs of the other.
They can abandon one’s desires, to focus completely on the other and try to satisfy them, even if they go against theirs. Meanwhile, she feels very dissatisfaction and frustrationsince -even if you are with your partner- the same is still present fear of loss. As a result of this, a overwhelmed pattern towards the other, which ends in recurring discussions, generating a constant state of dissatisfaction.
They may also appear pathological jealousy. Each time it will be controlled more and more shows of affection and time will be needed, coming to torment the other person.
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How to get out of dependency?
The first thing is heal one and to be internally strongto then be able to relate to the environment in a healthy way. Oneself is the one who has the ability to change and, although it requires a very great effort, changes can be achieved.
The first step to being one who meets their emotional needs is learn to recognize emotions when you experience them. It’s okay if this is challenging at first. It is quite normal for it to be difficult to deal with unpleasant feelings. But it is important to know that all emotions have their reason for being and that there will be ups and downs in life, and that everyone has resources inside to be able to regulate them and learn from them.
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Working with our own self-esteem is essential to be able to situate ourselves from another side and understand that within us we have what is necessary to satisfy our needs. Believe in ourselves and in our abilities.
Sometimes it is very difficult for the person to accept that they are going through this situation and it is vitally important that they recognize and accept it in order to later be able to modify the behaviors and emotions that accompany it. It is very important to be able maintain one’s identity, not lose it in the other. Assume as one unique person with their own feelings, tastes and choices.
Other ways to achieve independence have to do with learning to decide for oneself, trust in your thoughts, don’t ask permission for everything, take responsibility for your choices and emotions.
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It is possible to stop being a person who is emotionally dependent on another. For this it is necessary recognize situations that could have generated this dependency, to later be able to make the necessary changes to be independent. In that sense, the Professional Help it is extremely effective in discovering this and applying the recommendations that it can provide us.
Source: Ambito
