Negative criticism hurt as much as a physical wound: 13 techniques to learn to handle them

While criticism as such are not categorized in the original scale, they are included in some negative events that generate similar physiological responses. For example, labor conflicts or dismissals, important interpersonal problems such as fights with friends, bosses and family conflicts, and professional failure or the perception of being incompetent, associated with anxiety and fear of rejection. These aspects are around position 47 -Obre 100- of that ranking.

The intensity of stress caused by criticism varies according to three criteria:

• Who emits it -for example, the boss, a loved person;
• The perception of who receives it -especially self -security, and their previous experience in that subject;
• The context, because it influences if they tell you unexpectedly, or in public, or the rationalizations, or live it as an injustice.

As our brain uses multiple functions to decode the signals, when we are criticized, the system known as “social threat” is instantly activated, which is interpreted similarly to a physical danger. In fact, according to the magazine Science From 2003, the University of California studied the social rejectionand concluded that the same brain areas of physical pain are activated. This explains why a hard and ruthless criticism feels almost like a blow.

If frequently repeated, negative comments increase cortisol and adrenaline levels, which generate tension, stress peaks, increase heart rate and cloud rational thinking.

Are there “constructive” criticism?

While many people believe that constructive criticism is an effective tool, it has been studied that most of these expressions have a negative component, since Its essence is to point out the errorusually with an angry and rough tone.

In simple terms, What is called “constructive critic” in general is usually just a sweetened criticismwith softer words. The only word “criticism” already gives rise to the defensive, because no one likes to criticize it. The important thing is to know that what really works is not criticism itself, but the way it is delivered and received.

The internal aspect that makes criticism hurt

Few people know that Criticism hurts when the aspect of the person’s identity is touched. This means that when they touch the intimate, self -perception and self -confidence, and internal aspects of the personality structure of those who receive it are negatively mobilized, there is an emotional peak reflected in the form of Dejection, anger, resentment, increased heartbeat, internal emptiness and anguish.

For those who want to improve their communication skills, and Avoid hurting with comments if you are one of those who usually do what they think is a constructive criticismI suggest training in expressing everything you want, taking into account three factors:

• Talk about the fact and not the person. You have to be totally precise and concrete.
• Narrate the fact neutrallywithout using qualifying adjectives against the person, or generalizations such as Always, never, all.
• Hold on communication: that is to say, “What I perceive “,” according to what I interpret “, taking charge and looking to build the link.

If you want to improve even more, Create the appropriate context To express your perceptions; For example, not do it in front of other people on sensitive issues, and take care of your level of emotionality, lowering decibels waiting for about fifteen minutes.

Practical method to transform negative criticism into useful feedback

While we cannot control what others tell us, We are totally responsible for the messages that we let our mind. Therefore, we can manage how we interpret and what we do with those messages, and that depends on us.

To change the reactivity of poorly formulated criticism, there is the feedback, Feedback in Spanish. If you are the receiver will allow youConvert any situation you feel like grievance, an improvement learning. Here are the three steps to achieve it:

• Filters the information: Is it useful or just an attack?

Applying your critical thinking, have the appropriate discernment to define what it is, because Not all criticism deserve your attention. Analyze whether they come from people with destructive intentions, or if the message can have value if you reflect with objectivity and depth.

If criticism is emotional, malicious or simply imprecise or little specific, download it.

Some questions to help you: What they say is foundation? Does it come from someone with real knowledge on the subject? What part of me feels injured or touched by that negative critic? It is important to clearly identify what emotion or feeling wakes up internally, to learn to manage it.

• Change the polarity of critics: Transform it into learning

Instead of asking you “Why do you criticize me?” Change the perspective: “What can I learn from this?” It is said easy, Although incorporating it has a time for practice and total consciousness. With personal development work you will learn to balance your emotional intelligence, and you will stop taking it as a personal attack. The Mexican author of the book “The 4 agreements of Toltec wisdom,” Dr. Miguel Ruiz: “Do not take anything as personal.”

A action is criticized, not your identity. And if you feel that your identity is touched, you are in your entire right to respectfully, learn to put limits and redirect those communications. Here you can ask yourself: Why and why do I choose to keep that internal emotion? How will I be more attentive next time? Is it difficult for me to set limits? How do I want to improve?

• If the message is diffuse, ask clarity

If someone tells you: “Your presentation was not good,” he replies with “Can you give me a specific example of what I could improve?” Most people who criticize superficially are usually left without arguments.

When you consider that the comment can be valid, ask for all the details will allow you to transform it into actionable information and pass it to the concrete.

• How to listen to criticism without altering you

As we review before, tension and stress in the face of criticisms are a physiological response of the body to what we feel like threat, it occurs unconsciously, and feels immediately. However, there are several emotional self -regulation techniques that you can apply to keep calm before answering:

• Breathe deeply before reacting.
• Do not answer immediately if you feel that you alter.
• Ask for a short time to analyze the situation.
• Receive the aspects that bother you most, without altering.
• Ask for a clarification of what you need.
• If something hurts or hurts, analyze it inside you, and express it at the time: “Fulano, I want to tell you that I am feeling very uncomfortable with what I am listening to, could you tell me differently?” A detail to practice: to say “I am listening” is not the same as expressing “what you tell me.”
• Seek to add your perception while they make you criticism.
• Check on how you would have liked to proceed: this allows you to know the expectations of the other. A useful question would be: “I would like to improve in this. Do you have any more specific suggestion?”
• Make an agreement of a specific point to address these types of situations in the future, in order to avoid feeling bad.

Criticism will always exist and cannot be avoided; However, remember that what defines its impact is not their content, but our ability to manage them. The idea is that, instead of reacting with stress or putting yourself defensive, you train your emotional and mental capacity to assume a more neutral and analytical attitude on your part, and, if it were the case, extract some learning.

Facilitator and Master Coach Executive Specialized in Senior Management, Professionals and Teams; Mentor and professional communicator; international lecturer; Author of 33 books. LinkedIn Top Voice Latin America. Professional Coach certified by ICF at its maximum level, certified coach, member and mentor at Maxwell Leadership, John Maxwell’s team.

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