The FDP swaps places with the Union MPs in the Bundestag. The liberals no longer wanted to sit next to their stinking colleagues from the AfD. Sometimes the high house of politics is just a classroom.
“Well, if we don’t do anything, the earth will have warmed up by 1.5 degrees in eight years – and then at some point we will no longer be able to live well. That also means that bad heat waves, which have so far occurred once every 50 years, uhh … “Anton seems visibly nervous. With trembling fingers, he rearranges his index cards.
“What a shit! Should I not be allowed to get a scooter driver’s license now because some eco-nuts are doing their green propaganda? Who says this stuff is true ?!” shouts Alex, who is once again wearing his stained dark green sweater with the embroidered German shepherd wearing. “Alexander, do I have to move you back to work?” Asks Mr. Schäuble, the geography, math and class teacher.
The trouble comes from the right
The 7B is considered THE chaotic class at the Republik-Gymnasium. That is only one eleventh of the truth. Because usually only four students cause trouble, all of whom are sitting on the right-hand side of the classroom: On the one hand, there is Alex, who always looks as if he has hiccups. Sitting next to him is Martin, who, since he was not appointed student guide, kinks the flowers in the school garden every morning. And then there are Tino and Alice. The two have been a couple for a year. But they don’t seem to like each other very much. Before that, Alice was with a grumpy guy named Jörg. But somehow it is gone – it just wasn’t there any more. Tino and Alice are something like the leaders of the chaotic gang. Alice is mostly content with smiling. She actually grins nonstop – but always only with her mouth – because her gaze is always empty, at most bored. As if she thinks incessantly of a joke whose punch line only she understands.
“Well … uh. I would then continue”, Anton tries to save the situation. Only nobody listens to him. Because at that moment, Martin perfectly flicks a chewing gum the size of a table tennis ball in the direction of Marie-Agnes – it lands precisely in her pale gray scarf. The right gang roars. Mr Schäuble didn’t notice anything – he was busy entering Alexander in the class register for the seventh time this month. Christian, the swarm of girls from all of the lower grades, plucks his magenta handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and hands it to Marie-Agnes. Christian has always been wearing a suit since fifth grade. He thinks that would increase his chances of taking over the position of head of the class fund at some point.
“Hey, bigwig,” Tino hisses in the direction of Christian. “Did mom drive you to school in the SUV again?” “What’s that got to do with you?” Asks Christian without giving Tino a look. “I’m just asking. Because recently you’ve been moving around the houses with the ecotroup and the socis.” Martin and Alex roll around in their chairs, Alice’s grin takes on demonic traits. Again, Mr Schäuble doesn’t notice anything, he continues to scribble in the class register with great concentration. Christian’s face takes on the color of his pocket square. “Take it easy, Chris. The assholes are not worth it,” whispers Konstantin, who is sitting next to him.
Democratic allocation of seats
“What kind of shit is this green-left-sapid lump talking about?” Whispers Martin, smacking his lips and pushing the third piece of chewing gum into his mouth – and reloading. “Wait and see. Next up is the Turk. He’ll definitely want to tell us again about why we should let more of them into the country,” whispers Alice and looks – this time without a smile – in the direction of Cem, who is so far sitting on the left that he cannot hear her.
“That’s enough!” Yells Marie-Agnes, jumps up and puffs Christian’s pocket square on her table. Anton swallows hard, turns to Mr. Schäuble with panic in his eyes. He puts his black fountain pen aside with presidential serenity, folds his hands on the desk and fixes Marie-Agnes. “Marie-Agnes, what’s going on?” He asks. “You don’t hear what’s going on here. I just want everyone to know,” says Marie-Agnes. “This disrespectful manner in this classroom is unbearable.”
“We have had to listen to the crap from the right for far too long, Mr. Schäuble! I ask for a new seating arrangement!” She rumbles on, stretching her neck to immense heights. An icy silence falls over the classroom. “I see,” says the class teacher. “Who else is in favor of it?” Thunderous applause breaks out on Mr. Schäuble’s left. “Every normal student doesn’t want to sit next to you!” Shouts Jan from the far left and points to the right-hand gang. Alice just grins, Tino demonstratively slowly claps his applause, Martin rocks his chair, blowing huge bubbles of chewing gum, Alex indifferently pulls fluff from his German Shepherd sweater.
But there is resistance. Because the middle of the classroom has no desire to swap places. “They just want to push us to the edge of the classroom!” Tino waves mischievously over, Alice throws the middle banker a kiss.
When nobody can be understood in the ecstatic babble of voices, Mr. Schäuble hits the desk with his fist with all his might. Another silence. Well, except for Tino. He’s still scornfully applauding. “So. We make it very simple here. Very democratically. Who is in favor of some middle-right students swapping places with the middle? Each one just a message, please.” The arms of Marie-Agnes, Christian, Konstantin and Co. shoot up, followed by the entire left half of the classroom
“That is an expression of disrespect!” Shouts Thorsten with folded arms. “Enough! The majority has decided. The new seating arrangements will apply from tomorrow,” said Mr Schäuble. Then he sits down leisurely, opens his black fountain pen and asks: “Where have we been, Anton? Exactly, mass death due to heat. Please continue.”
Source From: Stern

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