Friedrich Merz: For me you are a winner, Fritz (column)

Hi Fritzi, I’m the Flori. One of your 84 million secretaries in Germany. Was that already extended? If you have listened to here, please don’t put on. So take care, I’m a bit excited. I just wanted to tell you briefly … where I noticed: “I just wanted to tell you briefly” is one of these completely idiotic WhatsApp language messages. Why do you say what you want to say instead of just doing it. It is as stupid as an actor on stage who says: “I’m going over there now” and you want to call: “Then just do it, then I see it too!”

Excuse me, I wander how it is with the clap as clap as secretaries.

So Fritz, I have two points. The first is the question of when I can bring your coffee to you and whether you would like it today with or without sugar. And whether it is cow’s milk or oat milk … although I don’t have to ask you the question. But whether you want the milk just like that or neumodic – so foamed as a latte or as a cappu. No, I can already imagine your answer: coffee black like the Union should it be, right? In contrast to those whose consent you simply require, you like to have the choice yourself, don’t you? Well, these are so subtleties, but with them you don’t have it with them anyway.

The second point is: I like it that we will soon have a chancellor who you can talk, no, must, one who gives you the feeling that he is not only physically greater. One who does not try to conceal that – except with this look from below that you have. In others that would be a dog’s view, with you it is also the expression of your wonderful arrogance that turns me on – at all levels. When I see the view behind your round glasses, it ties me up all over my body. For you, Fritzi, I go “All in!”, “Whatever it Takes”.

The special thing about you is: After all the Merkel and Scholz-Luschen in the Chancellery, we finally felt someone who introduces the monarchy- at least. One who does not understand why you laugh at places where he did not order. You have waited for decades that you can finally be the one you always wanted to be. Just like the heirs to the throne in the royal houses.

You are a announcer, one who indicates the tone who says who has to agree, how and especially what for. One who can also do deals – for example, send the Annalena to New York. Although slowly, that’s a rumor. But I would be grateful if you would say to me if I brought you the coffee to the Ludwig Erhard Suite of the Konrad-Adenauer-Haus, whether Annalena’s commitment was really part of a deal? Under the motto: Helga or Annalena – the main thing, a woman. Should both be grateful that both are eligible for a single job. That would not have existed before!

Well, Fritz, your Großmannsherrenart to make the world subject, that is finally Christian-democratic politics in pure culture. Admittedly, not particularly diplomatic and also rather clumsy. But hey, diplomacy, that was part of these Merkel years that you wanted to leave behind you. Merkel years are dog years, and apprenticeship years are not men’s years, but now the men’s morality comes from the old Fritz!

Now not everything is slowly thought out of the end, but from the beginning, so actually no longer thought. A Chancellor for the head was Merkel. You are not a chancellor of the heart, you were never and you don’t want to be. No, you are the chancellor for the belly. One who acts out of a mood, one who simply throws a few balls into the air and only notices that he cannot catch most. An intuitive juggler.

You said in terms of our defense, “Germany is back!” And that applies far beyond. Internationally, politics consistently relies on Haudegen like you, on erratic-ruptive types. And here, too, Germany has to remain internationally competitive, and that is only possible with you, Fritz. Only you let us be able to connect to the axis of the willing, who believe that democracy is to gratefully serve the master and his masterly ideas. This unique leadership style, who only knows followers or opponents, only winners or losers. For me you are a winner, Fritz. All along the line. Simply because you radiate a leadership claim and have the chuzpe to derive it from nothing, but really nothing. This is your special fund, Fritzi. I wish you and us that it will not be too expensive for us.

Damn, now I’ve talked for so long, now the coffee is cold. Until then, your hardworking bees Flori.