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Relationship behavior patterns: How relationship management damages love

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Many women (and some men) know it, they are managers not only of their own lives, but also of the family. But if you also have to manage your partner, then problems in the relationship are inevitable.

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In every life there is a lot to organize. This even increases massively if you have a partner. With children and animals, the organizational effort jumps even higher. But even a partnership without an affiliate requires a certain form of coordination and organization. However, it is often the case that one part of the relationship manages a lot and the other does not appreciate it.

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Many are familiar with annoying thoughts in a partnership, such as: “What are we having for dinner tonight? When are we going to shop this week? The windows still have to be cleaned. The dog has to go to the vet. The child’s birthday. Do we already have a present for his grandmother 90th birthday? The electricity provider would like the current consumption figures again. Have we already adjusted the standing order XY?” It’s actually normal when you’re in a relationship, and – viewed positively – if you were single, you’d have to deal with it all alone.

Relationship is give and take, not management

But there are relationships, and not so few, where you still have everything to do with yourself. And the increase of that is when you not only manage the relationship in this way, but also the life of your partner. “Did he/she make an appointment at the dentist, for vaccinations or something similar? Has my partner talked to his boss about the holiday? Did he/she congratulate his grandmother?”. Once this level of management is reached within a relationship, stress is inevitable.

When you have a partner who always and constantly relies on the other person to be in charge and running everything, there is a massive imbalance in the relationship. In addition, the organizer is under constant stress because he or she is still trying to think about and regulate everything general about their own concerns. Sooner or later there will either be a fight along the lines of: “You don’t do anything” or both will come to terms with their roles and one will remain permanently under pressure.

The even worse form of relationship unmanaging is when the partner is not even able to attend to his or her very personal needs, such as doctor’s appointments, without being asked multiple times. Such a relationship imbalance not only creates an imbalance, but also a disparagement of the other, often unconsciously. This usually results in a partnership that is similar to a parent-child relationship, since one hardly seems viable without being told where to go.

Are you the mother or the wife of your partner?

However, there are also people who find themselves in a parent-like caretaker role within a relationship. In this case, such a model can work well, but it often leads to arguments. Because even the person who cares about very little will, over time, accuse the other of feeling patronized and annoyed by frequent admonitions and reminders.

So keep an eye out when choosing a partner. If you don’t like a constant level of stress, it is advisable to take the warning signs seriously and not think more than once or twice: “Oh, I’m happy to help, he or she is just a bit careless”. A relationship manager role creeps in faster than you think.

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Source: Stern

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