How we would like to be able to look into our partner’s head sometimes. This ability would avoid one or two conflicts in a relationship. But because that’s not possible, the only thing that helps is asking – these sentences will help.
During a dispute in a relationship, it quickly happens that people leave the factual level and argue on an emotional level. A condition that can cause disappointment and major conflict. But there are simple communication methods that can nip an argument in the bud. Often it is not just a matter of differences of opinion, but above all a misunderstanding and lack of understanding of the other person’s side.
The researcher Karen Prager has in a study. examines how most couples deal with conflict. Four behaviors emerged:
- Avoidance (silence or withdrawal from the situation)
- Active reparation (Peoplepleasing, apologizing, showing humility)
- Let go (Acceptance of the situation and that there are different points of view on the topic)
- Take a new perspective (consciously empathizing with the other person’s role in order to understand what the partner thinks and feels)
Avoiding conflict leads to more anger
Based on diaries that 115 couples had to keep for weeks for this study, it turned out that “making amends” is the method with the least amount of conflict and “avoidance” usually only leads to bigger problems. But in order to prevent conflicts from arising in the first place, six simple sentences can help you identify problems before they arise.
The doctor and author Chris Gilbert advises six key sentences in the specialist magazine “Psychology Today” to nip conflicts in the bud as best as possible:
- What have I done for you in the last month that you really enjoyed?
- What did I do last month that you hated?
- What can I do in the future to make you happier?
- Do you want me to do something to improve our relationship?
- What should I continue to do that you enjoy?
- Do you want me to stop doing something to improve our relationship?
Gilbert even recommends using these phrases regularly in conversations with people you care about to improve interpersonal relationships. It is not possible to look into other people and often enough you are mistaken in your interpretation of the other person. Asking the simple questions and internalizing this type of approach can contribute to a more harmonious relationship.
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Source: Stern
I am an author and journalist who has worked in the entertainment industry for over a decade. I currently work as a news editor at a major news website, and my focus is on covering the latest trends in entertainment. I also write occasional pieces for other outlets, and have authored two books about the entertainment industry.
