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Boysober: Why some women swear by “detoxifying” men

Boysober: Why some women swear by “detoxifying” men

Hard times for men. A new dating trend is causing more and more women to swear off dating the opposite sex. Withdrawal is intended to increase mental well-being.

Loving is not easy. It comes with many pitfalls. Starting with finding someone worth loving and who, at best, will return the affection – honestly, without games or insincerity. Gen Z has a reputation for doing many things differently and breaking with traditional social behavior. This also affects dating. Gen Z strives for romantic relationships less than other generations before, and sex also plays a less important role. A new approach to dating is now taking this trend to the extreme. The trend is called “boysober” and seems almost celibate. You could say it’s about detoxifying men.

Like so many things that concern Gen Z, “boysober” is a phenomenon that spills over to us from the USA and is primarily fueled on Tiktok. The associated hashtag reaches millions of followers. “Sober” means “sober”. Interpreted freely, the Wolpertinger linguistic “boysober” means something like: to wean from boys. In practice, this is a move away from temporary dating. And more and more young women are trying this out for themselves. They advertise the trend on Tiktok and report on the positive effects the “detoxification” supposedly has on their well-being.

Gen Z and the complicated approach to love

The movement was started by the American comedian Hope Woodard in 2022, reports the New York Times. She coined the term through her stand-up routine, in which she describes her own abstinence as “boysober.” She didn’t meet any men or have sex for a year. According to Woodard, self-imposed celibacy serves to free oneself from “getting false validation from dating, situationships and flitting around and instead spend the energy on other things.” Even though Gen Z is committed to being more mindful of themselves and others, that doesn’t mean they don’t also have problems with toxic behaviors and complicated relationships. Best example: the aforementioned “Situationship”.

Another term coined by Gen Z. This is more or less a relationship status that doesn’t really know what it is. “In our research, we define a situationship as an ongoing sexual or romantic liaison that lasts six months or longer and is not viewed as progressing by one or both parties,” said Elizabeth Armstrong, a sociologist at the University of Michigan, in an interview with the “Business Insider”. In contrast to models that are all about sex, “Situationship” is more of a relationship with an expiration date. And this is often achieved when one of the parties involved has found a “better” partner. Most of the time, everyone involved in a “situationship” sees themselves as single.

“Boysober”: More and more women are swearing off men

Woodard’s idea of ​​temporary abstinence primarily appeals to people in their 20s. For them, “boysober” is supposed to be a kind of tool that helps you free yourself from distractions and get to know yourself and your own needs better. This should help you be better armed against toxic behavior and awkward relationships. Similar to alcohol withdrawal, withdrawal from young people is intended to help you free yourself from the negative side effects of “consumption”. What this means, among other things, is a game of closeness and distance, which can cause an emotional roller coaster for the other person. Another positive “boyober” effect: the break can also help counteract the overwhelm that can arise from excessive dating. Woodard reports that the “youth deprivation” gave her the time to realign her focus and also to question her own actions. During that year she learned to tolerate being alone and to value friendships more.

Toxic dating habits and getting caught in complicated relationships are not tied to one gender; women can also cause suffering through their dating behavior, Woodard emphasizes. Accordingly, men could also benefit from a year without sex and women, a “girlsober,” so to speak. However, the Woodard idea has mainly taken root in the minds of young women.

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Source: Stern

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