These five statements expose narcissistic parents

Parents are the first voices a child hears. They put words in the world that sustainably. Some build bridges, other walls. If parents do not love the children, but their own reflection, they reveal themselves in their sentences. With the star Disciples Dipl. Psychologist Christine Geschke five sentences that expose the inner script of a narcissistic parent.

A set like an iron ring around the neck. Narcissistic parents represent themselves as a source of all successes. A child who believes that they are only valuable by the grace of the parents hardly dares to make their own roots. “Without me you would be nothing” – a classic sentence that aims at devaluation. “It is emphasized that the child’s self -esteem will undermine,” said Geschke. The child has no value of their own, but only because someone was there for the child. As a result, this devaluation makes it dependent: If you are not worth anything yourself, you need the more the person who caused this devaluation. “This creates not only a deficient self -esteem, but also a strong feeling of dependency,” said the expert. If you want to free yourself, you first have to break away from this thought: value is not a gift that distributes others.

Smoke that fogows everything. Childhood is a terrain of discovery, but this sentence makes a labyrinth for clear paths. Feelings are denied, memories are rewritten, perception disassembled. Narcissistic parents extinguish the border between real and imagined. “A child who experiences something like this becomes deeply unsettled and begins not to trust himself,” said Geschke. “It feels that something is wrong – but if the mother or father claims that it was very different, his perception is questioned,” she explains. One addresses the child their own reality by not validating their feelings, but indirectly declaring them incorrectly. “I never said that” or “It wasn’t at all” are classic sentences that increase this effect. This is extremely difficult for the child because it learns to no longer believe its own feelings and memories.

Parents give – food, shelter, clothing – but narcissistic parents do not see this as a duty, but as a grace. If you feel guilty, because you can’t “give back” enough, you lose your right to your own needs. “This is exactly where moral pressure is exerted – and all the more when he comes from a parent. It is already stressful when a friend says something like that, but if it does his own mother or father, a particularly strong pressure arises”, explains Geschke. One feels morally committed, join in and increasingly lose their own freedom of choice.

Guilt is stripped over like a coat. Narcissistic parents see themselves as a victim when the child goes their own way. Any decision that does not fit into your script is perceived as a betrayal. “This means that moral pressure is practiced and guilt is committed here,” said Geschke. Those who feel guilty are often restricted in their ability to act and get into a kind of dependency and an increase in the constraint. In addition, fault generally plays a major role in the subject of narcissism, as it serves to tie people and make them compliant.

The sugar crust on a bitter pill. The “best” often means: control, adaptation, the opening in parental will. Anyone who escapes is ungrateful who contradicts, ungrateful. Here, too, it is aimed at creating a guilty conscience, which creates a feeling of guilt, Geschke said. The consequence is that one could hardly do any other way than to give in to this feeling of guilt and to meet the needs of the parent. “Ultimately, this leads to self -denial and the pattern: ‘I do what you expect from me’,” says the expert. But the best thing is not what parents want – it is what the child himself recognizes as his happiness.

“Children who grow up in an environment where feelings of guilt are used specifically tend to accept this guilt quickly. If they feel bound by blame for someone, it is difficult for them to differentiate themselves and they are more willing to expect expectations to give in to others, “said Geschke. This increases the risk of later dependent or toxic relationship patterns in which someone again exercises power and control over them – because they are easy to manipulate by guilt.

The risk of transferring such patterns into your own adult life is great. A child who grows up often develops a deficient self -confidence and comes into life with deeply rooted feelings of inferiority. “It does not feel good enough, believes that others are basically better, and therefore often gets to partners who are dominant or controlling,” said gifts over the consequences. Since this dynamic appears to be familiar, it is difficult to break through it – especially if the feeling prevails, nothing better.

These deeply internalized beliefs can have fatal consequences: the constant feeling of making mistakes, while others are right, leads to uncertainty and self -doubt. Psychologist Geschke: “You feel small and insignificant – because you are used to being made small”.

Language is power. They use narcissistic parents to keep control to make love on conditions to keep children small. If you hear such sentences, you should question it, take the echo to you. Geschke warns, however, of hobby diagnoses: “Narcissism is a profound psychiatric disease, you shouldn’t forget that. It must be delimited by someone who only shows selfish or narcissistic tendencies.”