Florian Schroeder-Kolumn: Why Jens Spahn the Union Killt

When the black-red government is, one thing is certain: the comeback of people follows that you never wanted to see again, but they cannot be killed. Some say that applies to the entire CDU, but we don’t want to be that brutally in spring. We also do not speak of Armin Laschet, the grinning Walking Dead of Conservatives. It is much worse: Jens Spahn is back.

Admittedly, somehow he was never completely gone, he commuted every minute between Lanz and Maischberger. But soon he will take responsibility again. Where, Spahn and responsibility in one sentence – that does not deserve good old responsibility.

The Münsterländer, who is in urgent suspicion of becoming a parliamentary group leader, said that the traffic light “started with large advance laurels, but then it became terrible.” With black and red, it is already the other way around: it starts terribly. With Spahn, who does what he can do best again: demand something.

More precisely: he has put his fully automatic demand back into operation: this time he calls for a “different way of dealing” with the AfD. A – cautiously formulated – behavioral position for someone whose party is currently taking on government responsibility towards a right -wing extremist opposition party. Which in turn maintains a rather extreme handling of other parties.

This is a very idiosyncratic interpretation of the old SPD idea of ​​”promoting and demanding”. From time to time there are moments when Jens Spahn shows something like reason: “The best remedy for votes for extreme rights is simply politics that makes a difference.” Well, even a blind chicken finds a grain, the notorious vernacular would probably say. But that’s exactly what it’s about: making a policy that makes the difference, also makes it clear. So the opposite of Spahn’s flirting and cuddling to the AfD. Making a difference does not mean copying the extremists in order to then be put in the shade – or to be destroyed by them.

Because that’s exactly what the AfD wants – the Union hugs to death until it no longer gets air and suffocates. The enemy of the AfD is the Union, not the Greens or the left. After taking power, they get the latter flat when the greatest obstacle – the conservatives – are cleared out of the way.

Friedrich Merz understood that. And the entire group of the AfD. Is that the new multipolar in the Union that the designated faction leader tells the opposite of what the party leader says?

Well, maybe Spahn thinks something else. When he says that the AfD should be “treated like any other opposition party”, that could also mean: everyone as it deserves: Häme against the BSW, pity with the FDP, the gray panther and the animal welfare party completely forget. And against the AfD, a fire wall, as it should be for a democracy that does not want to go down with fascism voluntarily.

A fire wall would also be good in dealing with Jens Spahn, maybe you could say that you have to deal with Jens Spahn like others who cost the taxpayer two billion euros and more. Hopefully Biontech is already working hard on a vaccine against the new Jens-Spahn virus-25.

The AfD’s slogan was recently “Germany, but normal.” According to the AfD party program, Jens Spahn and his husband are not meant, not even in the alcohol area. And exactly this party now wants to normalize Jens Spahn. In a coalition of the Union and AfD, Jens Spahn would probably have to leave Germany. I’m afraid that there are connections that Jens Spahn generously hides.

Why can’t Jens Spahn finally shovel the grave of his own career instead of that of the Union? Anyone who normalizes the AfD does not destroy the AfD, but the CDU. Now a truism. So you have to assume that Jens Spahn is intent. Or just about highly professional stupidity.

Florian Schroeder, born in 1979, is a satirist, author and publicist. He studied German studies and philosophy in Freiburg. In the ARD he hosted the programs “late shift”, “the Florian Schroeder satireshow” and “Schroeder is allowed” until 2023. He published several books, for example “under insane. Why we need evil.” He is currently on tour with his “Restart” stage program. Since June 2024, Schroeder has “short and painful” on Stern.de.